Post ideas for Zangoose here.
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Post ideas for Zangoose here.
ZANGOOSE in known to have a long rivalry with SEVIPER dating back to ancient times. It is often seen sharpening its claws on the barks of trees or on hard stones.
I notice that save for the name placements, the first sentence of both this and Seviper's entries are identical. You should still vary them to a point.
Here's my crack at it:
Quote:
ZANGOOSE is feared because of its extremely sharp claws and untamed aggression. Throughout its life, it has had a long, vicious rivalry with SEVIPER.
Yeah, thats good but I would just try to change the second sentence a little.
ZANGOOSE is feared because of its extremely sharp claws and untamed aggression. It is said to be born with a hatred feeling against all SEVIPER.
I think yours is better though.
I gotta go with Pokepoindexter's here. Cranky Guy, your second sentence seems to be a bit akward.
Yeah your probably right.
I think hes talking about the hatred feeling part.
Editing and simplifying Cranky Guy's entry a little:
ZANGOOSE is feared due to its extremely sharp claws and untamed aggression. It is born with a deep hatred against SEVIPER.
I think "Rivalry" makes a better word for this context than "Hatred," if you ask me.
Malphis: Yours is a little too condensed; it can be a bit longer than that.
ZANGOOSE uses its extremely long and sharp claws both offensively and defensively. It has had a fierce rivalry with SEVIPER for many generations.
hmm, i like Cyndadile's best, so far....
ZANGOOSE is feared because of its extremely sharp claws and untamed aggression. This Pokemon's long-standing rivalry with SEVIPER is thought to be over territory.
I would love it if we could NOT mention the Seviper rivalry thing.
Wild ZANGOOSE mark their territory with symbols scratched into trees and rocks. Though thousands of examples have been studied, no two ZANGOOSE have been shown to use the same symbol.
ehh, that runs a little too close to Weavile/Sneasel's official Dex entries. Weavile uses carvings in Ice, on rocks, and/or on trees to show territory/tell others something.
I like it, and weavile isn't in topaz, so it doesn't matter.
The Zangoose/Seviper rivalry is so strong that it'd be a shame not to base the entry on that, even though every entry ever about them has been about that. Especially with the Rivalry Orb and all.
Maybe we can save the rivalry thing for Zantilidae/Pythang?
As such, I like Reli's entry. It's quite appealing! Weavile won't be in Topaz anyway since that's a DP Pokemon.
It just feels so implied that entries Zangoose and Seviper will be about their rivalry, when the entry should really be about the Pokemon itself. I think that with the rivalry orb looking like it does and with any back knowledge they have (most people will have played something after Gen III) it isn't necessary to include IMO.
If there is still disagreement, this splice of Cyn and OddCrow is the best that has been made to that end so far.Quote:
ZANGOOSE uses its extremely long and sharp claws both offensively and defensively. This Pokemon's long-standing rivalry with SEVIPER is thought to be over territory.
Quote:
Pythang: PYTHANG's venomous tail is strong enough to cut through solid rock, a perfect counter to the claws of its nemesis ZANTILIDAE. It often lies in wait for the opportune moment to ambush its foe.
I think it should be ok to do something different, but it might still be nice to play off of the rivalry, if someone can come up with something really good, perhaps a new spin on it.Quote:
Zantilidae: A searing hatred for PYTHANG resides in ZANTILIDAE's heart. It is constantly on the hunt for its nemesis while sharpening its battling skills on hapless passersby.
Whenever it is not on the look out for it's rival SEVIPER, it will be either sharpening it's claws on rocks or battling other POKEMON to help train it's battle skills. The claws of this POKEMON are known to be able to grow to an astonishing length of three metres.
Not sure about the metric system.
I don't think it would make sense for Zangoose to have 10 foot long claws :P
Even 1 metre is long, 3 ft 4 in, so metres is probably not a good unit of measurement for Zangoose's claws.
Use decimetres! My favorite unit of measurement that nobody uses!
It is a type of metre. It's not difficult to figure out... :(
Three feet claws would be incredibly impractical on anything smaller than Typhidna, let alone three metres. I don't think it's possible to create a claw length that is both astonishing and practical, maybe try some other property?
Whenever it is not on the look out for it's rival SEVIPER, it will be either sharpening it's claws on rocks or battling other POKEMON to help train it's battle skills. Wild ZANGOOSE mark their territory by scratching unique symbols onto the barks of trees.
K?
The entry is very long. If it were ten words shorter, I'd have a better idea of how well the content flows in that much of a smaller space.
Whenever it is not looking for it's rival SEVIPER, it will be either sharpening it's claws on rocks or battling other POKEMON to help train it's battle skills. Wild ZANGOOSE mark their territory by scratching unique symbols onto trees.
Now
Whenever it is not on the look out for it's rival SEVIPER, it will be either sharpening it's claws on rocks or battling other POKEMON to help train it's battle skills. Wild ZANGOOSE mark their territory by scratching unique symbols onto the barks of trees.
Before
Still a bit long. Also, the two sentances don't seem entirely related.
They aren't related in any way actually.
The point is that they should be.
A correction that I would make here:
Quote:
to help train its battle skills.
sorry.
Still not feeling anything. I'll try something new, I guess.
Though ZANGOOSE is a strong fighter, it develops its technique more rigorously than its power. ZANGOOSE are known to spend days perfecting a single basic battle movement.
Still feels like it could apply to too many Pokemon. I know there are tons of cute Pokemon out there that wouldn't have this entry, but there's something about "develops its technique more rigorously than its power." And even the "perfecting a single basic battle movement" that just feels a little too general in its terms. I'd attempt a new take on the entry but I find Zangoose and Seviper to be mostly uninspiring Pokemon, sorry!
My goal was to link Zangoose to the Kalypso ideal, since that is what we did with Seviper. I'll try something else.
Because of its sharp claws, ZANGOOSE trains itself rigorously to avoid scratching itself in battle. The dedication that this requires influences humans to practise to their best.
Isn't Practice spelled with a "c"? Other than that, I like it, though the second sentece sounds a bit awkward aloud...
maybe, 'Many humans have tried to emulate Zangoose's dedication in their own lives, to some successes, and other failures." ?
That's how it's spelled in Canada.
I think we decided we were going to go with American spelling, but that will have to be edited in, since I honestly can't type American all the time.
Because of its sharp claws, ZANGOOSE trains itself rigorously to avoid scratching itself in battle. Many humans have tried to emulate Zangoose's dedication in their own ambitions.