Post ideas for Mareep here.
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Post ideas for Mareep here.
Bumping because this entry is needed for the demo.
The wool that covers MAREEP's body generates static electricity exceeding 1,000 volts. Anyone who touches it for long enough will almost always become paralyzed.
Random suggestion: The fleece of Mareep stores the static electricity it charged up. Its size determine how much electricity it had charged up.
-Malphis, ninjas in with an entry
The chiasme and the repetition of "electricity" and "charged up" while it would have worked well in the parallelism style of 18th century France, doesn't quite work as well in 20th-21st Century individualism-unique-etc. approach.
Perhaps another take?
As MAREEP's fleece brushes against other objects, static electricity is built up and stored in its body. Upon sensing danger, it releases the charge, puffing up its fleece to appear larger.
The wool that covers MAREEP's body generates static electricity exceeding 1,000 volts. Anything that is foolish enough to touch its wool will ...................., only awakening to find its body covered with burn marks.
Can someone help me fill the blanks?
The wool that covers MAREEP's body generates static electricity exceeding 1,000 volts. Anything that is foolish enough to touch its wool will be shocked by so much electricity it will immediately faint, only awakening to find its body covered with burn marks.
To finish cranky's idea.
That's way too long. Stray only slightly above two lines when you have to, one and 3/4 lines is about just perfect.
Nice to see you helping out Hebi-chan!
I like IB's idea.
I'd rewrite the second sentence altogether, personally:
Maybe not the best either, but...Quote:
The wool that covers MAREEP's body generates static electricity exceeding 1,000 volts. Those who come into contact with it will be instantly paralyzed.
Edit of IB's
As MAREEP's coat brushes against other objects, static electricity builds up and is stored in its hooves. Upon sensing danger, it grounds itself and electrifies its fleece, puffing up to appear larger.
y/n?
If not I like IB's original too.
A new idea (I can't figure out how to fit it in, though): Mareep Fleece Jacket- Maybe immunity to electricity? I've got severe writer's block, can't write anything origional.
This POKEMON's coat is extremely conductive to electrical currents. Coats made from MAREEP's wool are favored by electricians as protection from electrical shocks.
(rough idea)
I like the overall sound, needs a bit of cleaning up though.
I like the whole puffing up fleece due to static electricity idea better. The two sentences work together excellently and it makes a lot of sense when you twist it around in your mind. Your latest one doesn't make too much sense because conductors wouldn't be protection from electrical shocks, would they? They would act as bridges to one's body and actually be more dangerous.
As for which one of our two spins on the same entry, I like yours because it's easy to visualize Mareep stamping the ground and puffing up.
Many people have attempted to make fur coats out of MAREEP's wool. However, all attemps to do this have been cancelled after a volunteer got burn marks due to the static reaction of the wool.
Too similar to Flaafy's IMO. And the stamping and puffing up idea is such a good one, too!
I agree, the electrician one doesn't sound right, and the puffing up one sounds so much better.
Seconded.
Thirdididided
Fourthified.
I believe I would be the 5th then?
Mareep: As MAREEP's coat brushes against other objects, static electricity builds up and is stored in its hooves. Upon sensing danger, it grounds itself and electrifies its fleece, puffing up to appear larger.
Done