Post ideas for Torkoal here.
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Post ideas for Torkoal here.
TORKOAL prefers to live in volcanic craters because of the heat and humidity there. If it is angered, it will blow steam out of its nose as well as the holes on its warm shell.
Although it is quite slow, TORKOAL are quite difficult to capture due to the white smoke they release when they are frightened. The smoke is actually proven to be beneficial to the vegetation in the desert where TORKOAL live.
I like MI's better. I had an idea I would've posted here, but I forgot what it was while coming up with ideas for other Dex entries.
Some structure and grammar problems though:
Although it is quite slow, TORKOAL is quite difficult to capture due to the white smoke it releases when it is frightened. The smoke has been proven to be beneficial to the vegetation in the desert where it lives.
You start off in the singular but suddenly switch to plural? Stick with singular, it still works, and you don't need the second TORKOAL. That also helps a lot with the length. Also "actually been proven" sounds like an expression of disbelief, so that was changed too.
As for cranky guy's, my main qualm is "the heat and humidity there", which I feel is unprofessional wording.
Just a random suggestion based off the official PokeDex entries: [Interestingly, the smoke is described as black even though the artwork shows it as white.]
When in danger, TORKOAL releases thick white smoke to protect itself. It is often found deep in the mountains, looking for coal to fuel its flames.
Agreeing with IB's edit to MI's entry.
I like IBs edit.
Although it is slow, TORKOAL is quite difficult to capture due to the white smoke it releases when frightened. The smoke produced by this Pokemon has many health benefits, and even supplies some plants' nutritional needs.
Maybe? I feel the 2 clauses are a bit unrelated, but...idk, the overall sound is pretty good imo.
The difference isn't very much, but there is a good idea there:
Although it is quite slow, TORKOAL is quite difficult to capture due to the white smoke it releases when frightened. The smoke has been proven to be beneficial to the vegetation in the desert where it lives.
(removed "it is", so now it's a nice bit shorter)
Remember, POKEMON must be all caps too which pushes the length of your entry just a little too far OddCrow.
Although it is slow, TORKOAL is quite difficult to capture due to the white smoke it releases when frightened. The smoke has been proven to be beneficial to the vegetation in the desert where it lives.
I removed the first 'quite' to avoid having it twice in the first sentence.
TORKOAL releases obscuring smoke in order to compensate for its lack of speed. The smoke released has been rumoured to act as a high nutrient fertilizer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by OddCrow except edited
That one sounds best out of the others. It specifically refers to the it's ability, and isn't as long as Odd crows, and somewhat obscure as BTG's kind of a great balance to me.
I think we can make the volcanic ash - fertilizer link more explicit.
Something like
TORKOAL is quite difficult to capture due to the white smoke it releases when frightened. Similarly to volcanic ash, the smoke is beneficial to desert vegetation.
Not sure if that works.Quote:
TORKOAL is quite difficult to capture due to the white smoke it releases when frightened. Like volcanic ash, the smoke is beneficial to desert vegetation.
I'm with zero's version.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyndadile
Similarly has 4 syllables, Like has 1. Which one is more scientific?
But seriously, I don't mind either way.
Similarly doesn't seem to roll of the tongue that well, in my opinion. Like seems a little...sharp(?), but it works.
Similarly sounds awkward in the context IB uses. If it was shortened to Similar, it would sound better, imo.
Like so:
Quote:
TORKOAL is quite difficult to capture due to the white smoke it releases when frightened. Similar to volcanic ash, this smoke is beneficial to desert vegetation.
Similar does work better, but I still prefer like.
So we were one vote away from finalizing then we change the entry again?
Seriously...
So that's 3 votes for my version? One more?
ehh, we need these done. I would prefer Similar, but Zero's will do.
+1 vote.
Good enough for me.
Torkoal: TORKOAL is quite difficult to capture due to the white smoke it releases when frightened. Like volcanic ash, the smoke is beneficial to desert vegetation.