An Amnesiac's Decision

So I mentioned a Creative Writing assignment... Here it is. It's a stage play called "An Amnesiac's Decision"

(Lights up on MR. STARR and PERSON in the middle of the street. They are in the circle of a streetlight. PERSON is lying unconscious, and MR. STARR is sitting behind him, watching. PERSON slowly wakes up.)

PERSON
Ugh... huh?

MR. STARR
You are...

PERSON
Who? Who am I?

MR. STARR
What do you mean, who are you?

PERSON
I... I don't remember. Who I am. What I did. Or anything at all.

MR. STARR
N-nothing? Nothing at all?

PERSON
N-no. Was I important?

MR. STARR
Yes! (beat) No! You weren't all that important, I guess. Maybe a little.

PERSON
Then what was I?

MR. STARR
A- a good man, yes. A good man.

PERSON
Good? What did I do?

MR. STARR
You were driven. Inspirational, even. The way you helped all those people... and the way they responded! It was like they knew you, and you knew them.

PERSON
But now... Now what do I do? In the past, I may have done this, I may have done that. But now I must do something, and I don't know what I would do.

MR. STARR
Since you're a good man, you can do good things. Come with me, I, like you, am trying to be good.

PERSON
Trying? I thought you said I was good.

MR. STARR
S-Slip of the tongue. But we are all on a journey, yes? To be good, all of us...

MR. GANT (O.S.)
Who do we have here?

MR. STARR
(looking offstage S.L)
Y-you, you are...

MR. GANT
(walks from offstage left to centre where the other two are)
Who? Who do you think I am?
(notices PERSON)
You! Have we met before?

MR. STARR
No! You've never met before!

MR. GANT
My dear sir, let the good man speak.

PERSON
Good man? I'm a good man?

MR. GANT (grinning)
Not if we've met before. But haven't we? I'm so sure I've seen your face... Your name was?

MR. STARR
Smith of course. H-he's from a good family.

MR. GANT
I wouldn't be so sure of that. Just look at him. Does he look like a Smith? I'd say he's more of a Dale to me.

PERSON
What difference does it make?

MR. GANT
Hedonism! That's the name of the game, my good man. The pleasures of life... and yours was one of savage pleasure, wasn't it.

MR. STARR
It was not! Have you not heard of this man's work? Of his sacrifice?

MR. GANT
You must mean of what worked for himself, by sacrificing the lives of others. Can you feel it, Mr. Dale? The way others fear you. What it feels like to have power. The power to hurt. The power to take. Come with me, you know what it's like.

PERSON
This feeling. It clothes me like a skin. Do I remember? A wretch in an alley way corner. My hand on his face. His head to the ground.

MR. STARR
Mr. Smith! Not this. You are not like this!

PERSON
Good. Good feeling. Good man. Do I remember? A hand outstretched, the rest of his body lying, resting on the curbside. I pull him up, dust him off and clothe him.

MR. GANT
Ha! Hilarious. I'm imagining you doing just that. Then you step out of your ballerina shoes... and give him a heavy punch to the side of the face, leaving him on the curb.

PERSON
Are you describing me, or are you describing yourself?

MR. GANT
Hell, anyone who spends much time with me ends up like me anyhow-

MR. STARR
Which is why you can't go with him, Mr. Smith! He's lying to you! He just wants you to be like him. But don't you feel, deep inside, who you really are? No. Mr. Smith, come with me. Please.

MR. GANT
Let the good man decide! Amnesia, eh? This could be a lot of fun.

PERSON (deliberately)
Both of you want something from me. I can feel it. Why do you want me to be what you want me to-

MR. STARR
I just don't want to lose even a little bit of what good there is left in this world!

PERSON
I think... I tried on that skin. That feeling of doing what I want, of hurting others for my own pleasure. It doesn't suit me. At least not now.

MR. STARR
Mr. Smith...

MR. GANT
Tch. I knew it would come to this. Yes. It would have been so much fun, but I lied. It's hard to convince someone of something that isn't real, isn't it, Mr. Dale?

MR. STARR
Certainly, come on, Mr. Smith--

MR. GANT (grinning)
Which is why I'm surprised this gentleman here continues with his masquerade!

MR. STARR
What on earth could you possibly--

MR. GANT
Yes, Mr. Dale... or should I say... Jackson? Yes. I remember you now. A small time wretch on the street you were. Addicted to drugs that didn't even bring you pleasure any more. So you tried harder stuff, right? Cocaine. Heroin. Desperate for something, you came to my gang, and begged - begged - to be given something, anything, that would give you the money you needed for the next hit. You tried more and more things, getting addicted to more and more things, and here you are now. You obviously passed out due to an unfortunate overdose.

PERSON
You lie!

MR. GANT
(takes out a syringe, and dangles it out in front of PERSON)
But no, Jackson! Can you feel it? Heroin. Heeerrroinn. Imagine it, feel it shoot up into your veins. You need this, don't you?
(PERSON reaches for the syringe, but MR. GANT raises it out of reach)
Ha! Just like a dog.

MR. STARR
What on earth are you doing!?

(PERSON makes one last grab for the syringe, MR. GANT raises it once more but PERSON jumps and swings his arm, knocking it out of MR. GANT's hand. It falls to the floor and breaks)

PERSON (quiet)
Do you want to hear a story?

MR. GANT
A story. From the street wretch! This should be priceless.

PERSON
Here is the story for a man, named Jackson Dale Smith.

MR. STARR
Is that--!?

PERSON
(As PERSON recounts the story, he imagines himself in the role, experiencing the events)
Please don't interrupt. Jackson was raised by a raging alcoholic single father. Because of this, he grew up needing a feeling of control, a feeling of power over others. He formed a gang with a few others he met who were just like him, and soon enough their ruthless methods granted them the power and control they so desired, as well as endless cash with which to party, and get drunk, and to make more money with, of course.

MR.GANT
Ha! Sounds like my kind of guy.

PERSON
But it wasn't really what Jackson was looking for, was it? He liked the feeling of power, but what he wanted was... something else. In his search for the feeling he wanted, he experimented with all sorts of narcotics. Eventually, he lost focus, and was taken down by those who he had ruthlessly put down in the years before. He was left a whimpering wretch at the side of the street.

MR. GANT
This is starting to sound familiar!

PERSON
But then. Jackson found another person on the side of the street. Another person even baser, even more wretched than he. He took off his tattered jacket, helped up the man, dusted him off, and offered it to him.

MR. STARR
So that's when...

PERSON
So that's when he realized: this was another kind of power. A feeling of power that didn't involve control or violence. So, having found what he wanted, he realized he no longer needed to look elsewhere for ways to feel good. He had found what he needed, and felt he had the empathy to help those in similar situations.

MR. GANT
Of course, that didn't excuse any of his earlier actions, did it?

PERSON
No, it didn't. So some old victims, looking for revenge, beat him up and left him for dead in an alleyway under a street light.

MR. STARR
True? Is this all true?

PERSON
No. It isn't.

MR. GANT
What? But your face. I remember it... don't I?

PERSON
Well... I still don't remember. I still don't remember anything. I just pieced together a story from what you both told me.

MR. STARR (disappointed)
Oh. S-so you're not coming with me then?

PERSON
The thing is, this is the story that both of you gave me. But out there lies thousands more people. All of them have their own memories and stories, some of which may involve me. I don't need to rely on you both to find out who I am.
(PERSON goes centre-back stage and opens a door. Light is coming out of the door. He pauses.)
As to going with either of you, I'm going to have to say thanks for the offer, but no. I still have a past to find, and a whole life to live. Goodbye, Mr. Starr. Goodbye, Mr. Gant.
(PERSON exits, and blackout. End of play.)

I think you've successfully nailed down the theme of the play and it comes through rather well. The stage direction is effective, but gives room for direction, which is good in some cases but more difficult than others. As it stands there is a lot of stillness. Actors come on, but once they have arrived they essentially stand in a single position, all one one level. This is not really dynamic and leaves the dialogue as the only real way to portray the vision. Though I wouldn't support nailing out each movement, you might want to put in a few. What does Person do when he is telling the story, for example?

I think the pacing is a little off as well. IMO, Mr. Gant enters a little late and the tension established between him and Mr. Starr is far more interesting than Person trying to figure things out. The dialogue is usually fine, but there are a few lines that seem especially unnatural. This play isn't so based firmly in reality, so the tone and language used doesn't bother me. There were a couple instances of a character explicitly saying what the situation was, kind of like "This is a play, and this is what it is about." Seen here:

Quote:

PERSON
Both of you want something from me.

Quote:

PERSON
I don't need to rely on you both to find out who I am.

This second one is kind of writing the point of the play out for your audience. Avoid doing it so plainly, since it's pretty clear based on everything else.

For a short play I think it is pretty good, and you've picked something with an appropriate scope for it.

I enjoyed it! I don't have experience with stage direction, so I can't really add anything to Reli's comment on that.

I would disagree that Gant came in late. I think it was important, since Gant more or less took control of the conversation when he appeared.

Is there any significance behind the names?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cyndadile

Gant more or less took control of the conversation when he appeared.

I think that's the issue. If Starr and Gant are supposed to be opposites, they need to be on the same level. Gant is clearly a stronger character, and the fact that Starr has those moments to himself show his lack of capacity for persuasion. I was hoping if Gant came in earlier, Starr would have to become more involved.

Well this feedback's really nice since I still have a couple hours to change things before I hand it in! Thanks guys!

I'll see what I can do about stage direction. I agree that there's a lot of stillness.

You also nailed the two lines I thought were possibly really awkward. I'll try to work something out, maybe just eliminate the last one entirely. I was afraid of not being clear enough since my TA didn't actually get some of the plot points of my previous assignment (which I might post up later) and since I didn't have a working title at the time. With the title things are probably a lot clearer.

There is some reasoning for Mr. Gant's later introduction and for why the two aren't entirely equal. Basically the idea is that Person evolves over the course of the play based on who is talking to him. So at first Mr. Starr is the only influence and Person reflects that, but Mr. Gant comes in later and Person changes into what he is at the end.

As for the names. Jackson Dale Smith is meaningless. At first though Gant's reply to Starr's "He's a Smith!" Was "He looks like an Anderson, to me." But then I realized where THAT came from so I changed it to avoid that. Gant and Starr are Phoenix Wright references. Damon Gant and Angel Starr. Mostly for me than anything. I didn't want the Angel/Devil thing being too prominent so I hid it.

Yes, omitting both of those sentences would be good.

Despite the time advantage that Starr gets, it doesn't seem like Person would retain any of his advice when Gant appears. I feel like Starr needs a moment after Gant appears when he reaffirms his stance. Gant, despite being the "devil" character, is a lot more charismatic and frankly likeable. Because of this, it really negates much of what Starr said before. This is pretty well exemplified by the fact that he can barely get a sentence out without being interrupted. You're attempting to create balance, but I don't think it's quite there, and it negates the conclusion at the end.

I don't know if I missed it, but is it ever established why Person has amnesia? It could be drugs, but it also isn't established if he was ever actually addicted.

I see your point, but just a thought. Is it possible that Mr. Gant's likeability is largely in part due to Mr. Starr's role as a sort of straight man for him? It might be just inherent that he'd be more convincing due to that, and losing that might take out some of the interest in their interaction.

Also nothing of Person's past is for sure, so there's no clear reason for his amnesia.