Closed Thread
Results 1 to 16 of 16

Thread: Starmie

  1. #1
    Better Than That Guy
    Black Temple Gaurdian's Avatar
    Status: Black Temple Gaurdian is offline
    Join Date: Dec 2009
    Posts: 733

    Default Starmie

    Post ideas for Starmie here.

    STARMIE's jewel is said to contain psychic powers. A STARMIE with a bright red jewel is said is be more intelligent and better at its psychic powers than others of its kind.

    STARMIE can use its powerful RAPID SPIN attack to cut through overgrown kelp forests. It is an important species in any ocean ecosystem for this reason.

    STARMIE posses remarkable healing powers. If it loses one of its arms, it will grow back the next day.
    Last edited by ImmunityBow; 01-17-10 at 12:29 AM.

  2. #2
    Overworlder (I think)
    Cranky Guy's Avatar
    Status: Cranky Guy is offline
    Join Date: Dec 2009
    Location: Pie
    Posts: 550

    Default

    STARMIE's jewel is said to contain psychic powers. A STARMIE with a bright red jewel is said is be more intelligent and better at its psychic powers than others of its kind.

  3. #3
    uh-ohs
    Mediocrity_Incarnate's Avatar
    Status: Mediocrity_Incarnate is offline
    Join Date: Dec 2009
    Location: 'merica
    Posts: 282

    Default

    STARMIE can use it's powerful RAPID SPIN attack to cut through overgrown kelp forests. It is an important species in any ocean ecosystem for this reason.

  4. #4
    aut vincere aut mori
    SilentSentinel's Avatar
    Status: SilentSentinel is offline
    Join Date: Dec 2009
    Location: Earth
    Posts: 945

    Default

    STARMIE posses remarkable healing powers. If it loses one of it's arms, it will grow back the next day.

    Wow that's short...

  5. #5
    Administrator
    ImmunityBow's Avatar
    Status: ImmunityBow is offline
    Join Date: Dec 2009
    Posts: 2,942

    Default

    I really like MI's concept, though the second sentence's execution is a little off ("for this reason" is stylistically something we've been trying to avoid)

    STARMIE can use its powerful RAPID SPIN attack to cut through overgrown kelp forests. Preventing oxygen depletion in the water, it is a valuable species in any ocean ecosystem.

    Hmm... maybe still not the best.
    Last edited by ImmunityBow; 01-25-10 at 01:17 AM.

  6. #6
    uh-ohs
    Mediocrity_Incarnate's Avatar
    Status: Mediocrity_Incarnate is offline
    Join Date: Dec 2009
    Location: 'merica
    Posts: 282

    Default

    Yours is still better though. It explains what it actually is doing by cutting the kelp.

  7. #7
    Overworlder (I think)
    Cranky Guy's Avatar
    Status: Cranky Guy is offline
    Join Date: Dec 2009
    Location: Pie
    Posts: 550

    Default

    STARMIE can use its powerful RAPID SPIN attack through overgrown kelp forests. This prevents oxygen depletion in the water, making it a very important and valuable species in any ocean ecosystem.

    Not much difference. Just made it a bit longer.

  8. #8
    Secret Agent
    Cyndadile's Avatar
    Status: Cyndadile is offline
    Join Date: Jan 2010
    Location: Neo Bay
    Posts: 1,845

    Default

    STARMIE can use its powerful RAPID SPIN attack to cut through overgrown kelp forests. In this way it prevents oxygen depletion in the water.

    Just an edit to MI's

  9. #9
    Administrator
    ImmunityBow's Avatar
    Status: ImmunityBow is offline
    Join Date: Dec 2009
    Posts: 2,942

    Default

    Cranky guy, yours doesn't seem to add any value, considering that adding length until over 2 lines is too much length, actually. Also, the phrase "making it" is just the very slightest bit unprofessional. Passable, but avoid it if possible.

    Cyndadile, yours just removes content without actually improving it in a concrete and tangible way.

    While both entries would be passable, I'd like to request that you think before you edit. Make sure that your edit will, in your opinion, truly increase the power, creativity, wording etc. of the entry. Make sure to explain why you made the changes you did and why it's better (of course I haven't always done this either, I'll do my best to from now on as well.)

  10. #10
    Overworlder (I think)
    Cranky Guy's Avatar
    Status: Cranky Guy is offline
    Join Date: Dec 2009
    Location: Pie
    Posts: 550

    Default

    Well.

  11. #11
    uh-ohs
    Mediocrity_Incarnate's Avatar
    Status: Mediocrity_Incarnate is offline
    Join Date: Dec 2009
    Location: 'merica
    Posts: 282

    Default

    Well what?

    I think ImmunityBows current edit of mine is better than both of those.

  12. #12
    Secret Agent
    Cyndadile's Avatar
    Status: Cyndadile is offline
    Join Date: Jan 2010
    Location: Neo Bay
    Posts: 1,845

    Default

    I forgot the end part of it:

    STARMIE can use its powerful RAPID SPIN attack to cut through overgrown kelp forests. In this way it prevents oxygen depletion in the water, making it a valuable species in any ocean ecosystem.

    I thought IB's ending was the wrong tone[?] (I'm not sure if that is the right word, but the origional wording seemed off.)

  13. #13
    Administrator
    ImmunityBow's Avatar
    Status: ImmunityBow is offline
    Join Date: Dec 2009
    Posts: 2,942

    Default

    I'm not liking the "making it". It's avoidable, as I have demonstrated, and it seems more off too me.

  14. #14
    aut vincere aut mori
    SilentSentinel's Avatar
    Status: SilentSentinel is offline
    Join Date: Dec 2009
    Location: Earth
    Posts: 945

    Default

    IB's has better grammer than yours. I generally dont like referring to the pokemon twice in one sentence.

  15. #15
    Secret Agent
    Cyndadile's Avatar
    Status: Cyndadile is offline
    Join Date: Jan 2010
    Location: Neo Bay
    Posts: 1,845

    Default

    Fine with me.

  16. #16
    Overworlder (I think)
    Cranky Guy's Avatar
    Status: Cranky Guy is offline
    Join Date: Dec 2009
    Location: Pie
    Posts: 550

    Default

    Same as above.

Closed Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts