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Thread: Cyndadile's Writing

  1. #1
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    Default Cyndadile's Writing

    I really enjoy writing, so I've decided to share some of it with you!

    Unnamed Skit (Co-Authored) (Skit)

    WWII Story (Short Story)

    "The Zombie" (Short Story)

    Unnamed Poetry (Edited 4/21/11) (Poem)

    "Yellow Monster" (Short Story)

    "Nothing Wrong" (Short Story)

    "Never Sad" (Poem)

    "Perfect" (Poem)

    Any suggestions are welcomed.
    Last edited by Cyndadile; 04-11-12 at 08:37 PM. Reason: Updated and Reorganized

  2. #2
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    Haha nice plot twist. It's not bad, I'd read a sequel.

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    I would enjoy a sequel. Good jorb, overall. ;p
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    Love it, Cyndadile. Sequel would be great.

  5. #5
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    This is a skit. As such, there should be no sequel -- the comedic placement and pace of the skit is well enough as it is (though its impact isn't nearly as effective unless it was acted out with a good crew ). I think the part about nearly falling off the cliff is unnecessary in its current form, as part of the comedy of the wide man telling him his shoe was untied is lost when you unite it with a plot point later on.

    I think if you keep this as a one-off event, the script could definitely be fleshed out with some more lines to lend to the timing. I wouldn't read a sequel mostly because the setup is too "hurried" (read: fine as it is right now if it's isolated) as it is to give good continuity ability.

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    A short sequel.

    Andrew/ Joseph: What the........*silent*

    Father: * Kicks Andrew/Joseph out of house*

    Andrew/ Joseph: Wait!

    Father: * Stuffs Andrew/Josephs mouth with huge ham before he can say more*


    AAAHHHH, that was good.

  7. #7
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    O.........k? @cg

  8. #8
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    I don't remember why I wrote this, but it takes place during WWI. Enjoy!

    Unnamed Skit (Co-Authored) (Skit)


    WWII Story (Short Story)


    "The Zombie" (Short Story)

    Again, criticism is welcomed. In fact, if it brings a sleeping bag, it can stay a few days

    EDIT: Oh, I remember now, it was for World Civ! We needed to include certain things, and that is why some facts may seem kind of random. Still, though, comments on writing style are desired. Please don't just say it stinks. Tell me WHY it stinks.
    Last edited by Cyndadile; 04-11-12 at 08:25 PM.

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    IT STINKS! Just kidding. Nice story.

  10. #10
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    Here's some poetry. I'm no good at rhyming though, but I did my best.

    Unnamed Poetry (Poem)
    Last edited by Cyndadile; 04-11-12 at 08:21 PM.

  11. #11
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    Hurrah for nonsense poetry.... Very good.


    Please help her grow.

  12. #12
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    I just read the WWII thread. I probably didn't notice it before because we didn't have the 'unread posts' plugin on the forums back then.

    Just as I had finished eating, the commander assigned me to a patrol. Sam was in that patrol. Our small, 5-person group began out into No Man’s Land. We kept quiet, trying to avoid detection by enemy. It was the perfect day for that, too. A heavy mist hung over the landscape and it would be difficult for anyone to see us. We were trying to add barbed wire to the front line, but we obviously had terrible timing.
    That's an awkward transition, from patrolling to some remark about barbed wire and seems totally out of place. I'm guessing you had to add that in for class and my input is probably useless by now. >_> /late

    Not a fan of poetry so I'll leave that to someone else for comment.

  13. #13
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    Yeah, and I posted it here AFTER I turned it in. Got a good grade.

    Quote Originally Posted by zeroality View Post
    Not a fan of poetry so I'll leave that to someone else for comment.
    You didn't actually read it, did you? Fans of poetry might want to kill me.

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    I read the first verse and lost interest. >_>

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    Updated. I intend to transform the skit into a short story, and add a sequel.

  17. #17
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    Request for help: I'm in the process of writing a story about several high-schoolers. Two of the characters, the narrator and his friend, are kind of like me. So, I've been doing fine so far, but I realized that eventually I'm going to need to include an actual conversation. That is something that teenagers seem to do alot. So, considering the fact that I have minimal social skills, I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice on how a conversation between two people usually is formatted.

    So far, I only need guidelines for the following types of conversations:
    -Boy [socially awkword wizard] and boy [socially awkword][wizard's best friend] talk to group of kids [who think that they are cooler than they are] about something that causes a fight.
    -Boy [wizard from above] talks to girl [secretly likes the wizard].
    -Girl [same as above] talks to boy [socially awkword][wizard's best friend][secretly likes the girl].

    No making fun of my love triangle. It builds suspense. And it is really important. Increases target audience, and all that. Really.

    I would be very grateful if someone would help me with the social regulations for such encounters. I tend to avoid conversations in general.

  18. #18
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    Don't worry, you are not the only one that isn't good at socializing. Is there anything in particular you want developed in these conversations? Also, is the guy an actual wizard or do you mean that in some other sense? If the former, does everyone else know? Well, from what little I know, let's see if I can think of any not crappy suggestions (chances are low).

    Conversation #1: If the guy really is a wizard, "cool" kids should talk about how wizard is a freak. If not, try not to come up with something new; read previous parts that you've already written and write about how the "cool" kids are angry about something that already happened. Oh, and don't forget to make the socially awkword (did you mean awkward?) guys say really lame comebacks.

    Conversation #2: Way too broad for anyone to really help with, I think. The only suggestion I have is for the girl to hint at her crush on him, but subtly.

    Conversation #3: Again, too broad, IMO. Again, you should have the guy hint on his crush on the girl, but not as subtly due to his social awkwordness.

  19. #19
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    I can only give really vague tips with what information you've given:

    Situation 1. You need to find some aspect of the wizard that is a weak point. Something he's either very self-conscious about or that he's extremely proud of. Then, have the group of kids viciously target that point. It is that which will make the kids look like they think that they are cooler than they are, and will simultaneously cause a fight.

    For situation 2, it'd be helpful if the girl were to send extremely mixed signals, as if she's unsure of what she really wants. Basically she praises the boy for things that he does, but then draws away whenever the conversation steers towards to them as a pair.

    As for 3, it's a little strange to have two very similar conversations that run with basically the same subtext. There's going to need to be some kind of twist, or else interest would be quickly lost.

  20. #20
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    Thanks! I should be able to work with your suggestions. Conversations are one of the two parts that I usually have trouble with. The other is when there is a huge fight scene (with more than 10 people). Those can get really ugly-looking.

    EDIT: Just noticed, Topaz has a good anti-duplicate-post system. Very helpful.

  21. #21
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    Taking a creative writing course this summer, so expect some work from that. I'm working on a short story there that I'm quite proud of (Three).

    Added Yellow Monster and Nothing Wrong today. For Yellow Monster, we were given a list of normal activities, and told to write about one. I'll let you guess what I chose. Nothing Wrong was fairly simple; write from a point of view different from your own (older, younger, different nationality, opposite gender, etc.). That was easier for me, because I'm used to that. Of the two, I thing Yellow Monster turned out better.

    Yellow Monster (Short Story)

    Nothing Wrong (Short Story)

  22. #22
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    Those were very interesting. Who is the "Yellow Monster" told by? At first I thought an animal, but I'm sure they would notice it. Unless it's an insect.

  23. #23
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    Uh, it is told by a school child. Unspecified age. Just a human. Hey, those things are scary death traps!

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    Well, noting his/her unfamiliarity with it, and the line "against my better judgement, I went inside." I'm guessing it's his/her first time on one, and (s)he's probably quite young, probably kindergarten or first grade. I'm thinking too much, aren't I?

  25. #25
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    That age would be reasonable. And no, you're not overthinking it. Writing (or at least my writing) is made to make you think. What you think about is up to you.

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    To your credit, it wasn't immediately obvious that the yellow monster was a school bus, though I did figure it out halfway through. I find that's very difficult to achieve: often, it's either way too obvious or way too nebulous.

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    Thank you! I think the class is actually helping with stuff like that. Some of it seems pointless, but they have some helpful resources. Worked on a poem today that is similar to the bus story, due to the fact that the subject isn't really known until the end. It migh be too nebulous, but I do say it in the end. I'll be posting that tomorrow, after revisions.

    Also, does anyone know if the titles of short stories and poems should be italicized or in quotes?

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    I'm pretty sure they're supposed to be italicized.

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    I thought so, but something I read said that short stories and poems go in quotes, while novels, movies, and long poems are in italics.

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    In MLA format, short stories, poems, TV episodes and articles are in quotes, novels, movies and long poems are either underlined or italicized.

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    Ok, thanks. I usually use MLA for stuff, because my teachers prefer it and I am more used to it. Is it any different for APA? Probably doesn't matter, but I'm curious. I believe that my health teacher wanted me to use APA, because it was typically used for science stuff or something.

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    I looked it up, and it seems to me that books, films, journals, are all italicized in APA, whereas articles are just in plain text, without even quotations.

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    I'm not really a poet, but I think I have my moments. This is the best poem that I've done in a while; "Never Sad":

    "Never Sad" (Poem)

    Sometimes titles just feel right. You know it when you see it. "Never Sad," "The Zombie," and "Three" are some of the best titles that I've used. They just fit. I don't care if anyone else agrees, I'm the author and what I say goes.
    Last edited by Cyndadile; 04-11-12 at 08:29 PM.

  34. #34
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    Could you explain the capitalizations? There seems to be some method to it but I can't quite figure it out.

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    Essentially, they are the Important Words. Important things/ideas (Life, Community, Happiness), and the things that respect should be shown to (Time, They, Us, Coral, Humans).

    I almost regret doing it because my teacher got confused, and when I explained it, she still seemed to consider taking points off for it. But I don't regret it. I'm not going to ruin my writing because other people think it needs to change. I know what lies underneath, and none of them do, so I will do as I please.

    I'm going to have a REALLY hard Time with editors.

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    Why are "Underwater," "Mysterious, and "Clear" capitalized then? What significance places them on the same level as, say, "Being" or "Life?"

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    Underwater is important because it is related to water, one of the most important molecules on Earth. It is also Home (another word worth capitalizing) to a majority (or at least a lot) of the world's life, and it was where life likely started.

    Mysterious is significant because Mysteries are what makes life...life. Also, it is part of a title for "Coral" (Mysterious Beings), and Coral's state of capitalization gives reason for alternative titles to be given similar status.

    Clear is important in the context because it refers to Clarity or Enlightenment. Again, I feel that those are important ideas.

    Also, here is "Three," unedited. Turning it in on Monday, and afterword it will get butchered to incorporate a bunch of writing techniques that I probably won't think fit. Any editing help would be appreciated! It is obvious that it needs revisions, and the people in my writing class are too lenient and unwilling to give me the thorough help that I'd prefer. I'm going to wait to add it to the master list in the first post until all revisions are in.
    Note: Alternate font is meant to be a bold, flowing cursive. Imagine it so. The forums don't seem to have any such font.

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    The premise reminds me of Heavy Rain. One thing that immediately jumps out at me is "He suffered a lot of trauma," which strikes me as odd. It's usually "serious trauma" or something like that, I don't think you can quantify trauma.

  39. #39
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    I came up with a new story idea today, and I'd like to know if anyone has heard of a similar story before. It is basically the opposite of a lot of stories about wizards.



    Did that make sense? I can clear up anything that seems too vague.

  40. #40
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    This isn't a story idea, this is a teaser snippet. The problem is that we can't help you if you're going to be secretive about the plot. Currently it looks pretty generic, with the twist being that instead of the old cliche of the past having all the cool stuff, the cool stuff is now. Otherwise you haven't really revealed enough plot elements, especially the conflict since it seems pretty obvious that the conflict is going to be between Alison and the government but all the other details surrounding the conflict aren't there.

    tl;dr, More information is needed before any opinions can really be formed.

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