Post ideas for Staryu here.
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Post ideas for Staryu here.
The red jewel on STARYU's body is said to be made from a mineral called oilhalcon. If it comes near more of the same mineral, its jewel will start glowing brightly.
Great.
STARYU's regenerative abilities have startled scientists and mischievous little boys alike. It can grow back a limb within hours, as long as the gemstone in the middle stays intact.
sounds solid, IB, but mischevious boys seems a tad specific. I'm sure there are girls who would be baffled by it as well. So, maybe "mischevious children" instead?
I wanted the subtext that the cruel little boys like to take off arms and see what happens. A little sexist, probably, but it makes me smile.
Well, I can't help it if I'm a guy....
Anyway, whatever works for you is fine for me.
Some people may not get that right away. I wouldn't of understood what you meant by mischievous boys being baffled by Staryu's powers. I just thought you were trying to make a range of someone fascinated by science and someone who isn't even remotely fascinated by science. I think this might work a little bit better:Quote:
Originally Posted by ImmunityBow
Or...Quote:
STARYU's regenerative abilities have startled scientists and POKEMON trainers alike. It can grow back a limb within hours, as long as the gemstone in the middle stays intact.
Just a small change, but I think it makes a big difference. Also, "startled" could be replaced with "baffled" or something like that.Quote:
STARYU's regenerative abilities have startled scientists and fishermen alike. It can grow back a limb within hours, as long as the gemstone in the middle stays intact.
I'm definitely not a fan of Pokemon trainers, since that's really generic. There doesn't seem to be that much reason for fishermen to be startled either, though it's a little better.
As for the subtext, I agree that it's unencyclopedic but sometimes it pays off to make the player feel smart.
STARYU's regenerative abilities have startled scientists and sailors alike. It can grow back a limb within hours, as long as the gemstone in the middle stays intact.
?
Why would it only startle scientists and sailors and not everybody else? >_>
It's good overall, but that part doesn't really work IMO.
STARYU's regenerative abilities have startled all those who come in contact with it. It can grow back a limb within hours, as long as the gemstone in the middle stays intact.
?
STARYU's regenerative abilities have startled everyone from scientists to sailors. It can grow back a limb within hours, as long as the gemstone in the middle stays intact.
Why would sailors be mentioned specifically? There's nothing really that sailors do that would cause them to regularly come into contact with four-limbed Staryu.
I don't see why it'd startle anyone, starfish limbs grow back, wow. Not.
Quote:
Staryu draws its awareness from the jewel in its centre. If damaged, Staryu will display sluggish movements as energy is syphoned off to repair the jewel.
Quote:
Staryu draws its awareness from the jewel in its centre. If damaged, Staryu will experience degenerating awareness until it is repaired.
It's not that it grows its limbs back, but the speed at which it does it, that startles people.
And you should know by now how to format dex entries.
STARYU has the remarkable ability to regenerate lost limbs in mere hours. This incredible ability has left scientists baffled for years.
No, that doesn't work either, since the second sentence doesn't really bring new content to the table. (Instead of spending a whole sentence describing the reactions of the scientists, describe the Pokemon instead)
STARYU has the remarkable ability to regenerate lost limbs in mere hours. This property is being studied in the hopes of creating a powerful POTION.
Oooh, I like that one
That's a really interesting take, but still doesn't solve the issue of not really expanding on STARYU in the second sentence. If you cut back a little in the first sentence, then that leaves room for the second sentence to expand. Here, I made an entry:
It was recently found that STARYU's regenerative abilities stem from its gemstone. Since then, a powdered form has been found in POTIONs, advertising the ability to restore lost limbs.
Sentence 1: STARYU's gemstone causes regeneration.
Sentence 2: It is thought that the stone can restore lost limbs.
It didn't add anything content-wise or length-wise, but there's still a better sense of development through the entry.
I like it.
A bit too un-believable imo.
It was discovered that STARYU's regenerative abilities stem from its gemstone. Since that discovery, a powdered form of this substance has become a key ingredient in POTIONS
EDIT: fixed the below complaint :)
I think "POTION" should be plural, but other than that, I like it.
Potions is plural.
MeekRhino you're not reading. The second sentence there does not expand on Staryu at all. You removed a large part of the content without even thinking about it.
Unbelievable in a world where little kittens can mate with gigantic whales? In a world where cute little Pokemon can generate Earthquakes and Blizzards upon a command? In any case, the potions are "advertised" as able to restore lost limbs, which doesn't necessarily mean that they actually do.
There should really be laws against that... :(Quote:
Originally Posted by ImmunityBow
It may not specifically add to staryu, but it does add to the game and make it more interesting to the user. Also, there's no need to be hostile......I'm always open to criticism.
I said unbelievable because it seems out of the character of the game. It doesn't really fit (imo)
How is that hostile?
It seemed as though he was being hostile with his phrase "you are not reading". It just bothered me since I have spent about 12 hours in the last 3 days reading through all of these threads
To prove that you're reading you need to address points that you're contradicting. If you're going to make an edit, try to explain more than "a little too unbelievable" which actually seems invalid within context.
I said you weren't reading because I addressed an issue several times this topic only to be ignored in your last three (!) attempts, so it most definitely seemed like you weren't reading what I had written. Reading through all the threads =/= reading with intent of understanding others, and if you want to show the work you've done you need to make sure you acknowledge others before you finish your post.
Why doesn't it fit within the game's world? The game is certainly scientific enough, and advanced enough.
I don't know. I guess I just didn't like it.
Anyway, I was just adding ideas to the table, making edits to previous entries, etc. Until I started posting, most of these threads hadn't been opened in almost 2 months. I'm just trying to get people interested so that they will get finished.
I know, and I appreciate it. I know I shouldn't be, but I'm a little frustrated from all the times there's been one clearly good entry and then the next five posters just post their own entries without a single word of explanation why, and it's caused me to get a little impatient when people do that. Sorry for being hostile, you're right about that.
It was discovered that STARYU's regenerative abilities stem from its gemstone. Because STARYU can regenerate limbs, this stone is being investigated for use in a powerful new POTION.
Trying to fix the problem of info in the second sentence. Not sure how well it went.
It was discovered that STARYU's regenerative abilities stem from its gemstone. Because STARYU can regrow limbs, this stone is being investigated for use in a powerful new POTION.
Just avoiding the repetition of "regenerate." Though I generally don't like mentioning the Pokemon twice, it's necessary here because otherwise it's a bit unclear whether the "it" would refer to Staryu or the gemstone. Otherwise, this looks good to me.
Same reason I included the name twice. I agree, your edit is better. +vote
Yes.
Vote +
and, if IB is included, I'm 5~
+1 vote~
Finally done with staryu......