Fanfics...

Normally, I do my fanfictions on Fanfiction.net (for obvious reasons) about Percy Jackson, Yu-Gi-Oh, etc. But, they don't have a section for Topaz...so....here goes?
This story follows the journey of Hadrian, a new pokemon trainer from the Caldera/Kirant region, and his newly acquired Celsinge as they travel across the Johto region, aiming to be the League Champ. Just realize that this is my first post/chapter, so be kinda...critical if you write a review.

"Hurry up, Celsinge! We're going to miss the boat!" Hadrian yelled to his Pokemon. Celsinge mewed ((I think that's right :p)) back and jolted forwards, his paws scorching the ground with every step. They reached the end of the harbor, only to see the gigantic cruise ship heading out of port.
"Great, now what?" Hadrian shook his head in disbelief. They had only been together for a day, but already, they'd managed to mess up their plans. Celsinge gently bit into Hadrian's black pants leg, trying to make him look down the port. Hadrian glanced over, noticing a small life raft tied to a rope that someone had tied to a rail on the ship's upper deck.
"Oh, come on! You're a fire type, you're not supposed to notice these things." Celsinge spat a small ball of fire at Hadrian, barely enough to warm his hands. They looked each other in the eyes, then raced off towards the small boat, each yelling at the other or trying to trip him. They jumped into the boat face first, forgetting they were still on land, and were knocked out.
"Kid, kid!" Someone called to Hadrian. He shot up, immediately noticing the woman in front of him who he had just head butted.
"Geeze, talk about a rude awakening. For me." The girl said, rubbing the space between her eyes.
"Where am I? Is this the Johto region?" Hadrian felt a familiar feeling on his pants leg and sighed. The warmth felt good, but the fact that the front of his pants were probably burned off in front of a girl, was not. The girl's eyes lit up for a moment, fascinated.
"You must be the person Nurse Joy was talking about! The one from the Caldera region! I'm Whitney, leader of the Normal type gym in Goldenrod. I'm only here for a short vacation though, and to visit a poor, sick Miltank. And, you are?"
"We're Hadrian Tired, and Celsinge Hungry." Whitney laughed for a moment, then straightened herself out.
"Let's get you to the Pokemon Cent-- Actually, no... You need pants....Come with me!" Whitney threw a Pokeball out in front of her, producing a Staraptor.
"Staraptor, fly us to Goldenrod!" Whitney said, before hopping onto it. Hadrian and Celsinge looked at each other for a moment, then looked back at Whitney.
"It's safe! Yo-You don't twust me?" Whitney asked, her eyes watering up.
"All right, all right. Just, don't cry." Hadrian laughed as Staraptor began to use Fake Tears. ((Not sure if it can use that..)) Hadrian and Celsinge awkwardly lifted themselves onto the bird, now clinging on for dear life as they soared through clouds.
"This isn't so bad!" Hadrian called to Whitney, his voice barely registering in the wind.
"Yeah! And, check this out!" They dove into a forest, making Bellosoms shoot up everywhere, shooting out pollen. It's beautiful! Hadrian thought. Until he sneezed and sent both himself and Celsinge flying off of the giant bird, landing into a giant pond in front of an oddly shaped tower. Somehow, Hadrian had managed to lose his bag, now sitting next to an incredibly scared monk, who ran off yelling something about Bellsprout's mighty wrath. Celsinge quickly burst of the water, steaming as he shook out his coat. Hadrian calmly walked out of the pond, trying to be heroic and cool in case anybody was watching, as if skydiving was his preferred mode of transportation,...until he noticed the Magikarp on his head.
"Holy Milcalf! Get it off, get it off, get it off, Celsinge!" After about five minutes of Celsinge nibbling on Magikarp's tail and cleaning himself, the Magikarp Splashed back into the pond.
"So...where are we?" Hadrian asked Celsinge, as if the Pokemon would know. He raised a paw towards the backpack, where Hadrian got out his map of Johto.
"Let's see....judging by the freaky tower, we're in...Violet City! That's where the first Gym battle is! What luck!" Hadrian then remembered what had just occured, "just our luck." He pouted. Then, some other monk ran by, shouting about Bellsprout sending pants-less boys from the sky as omens of disaster.
"Freaks." Celsinge nodded in agreement, shooting tiny bits of fireballs into the air.

Not bad, it's first of all got excellent spelling and grammar, and your use of vocabulary is pretty decent. There is a sense of flow to the story, I can tell that you've done fanfic before. A few formatting issues, I'd either separate the paragraphs by theme or bring the dialogue into its own line altogether, as this way it the paragraphs look a little choppy but it's not really a huge problem. You might want to slow down the pace of the story a bit, smell the roses a bit more so that it feels less like you're rushing through the plot.

Hope you keep writing!

nice

Cool! I can't wait to read more.

thanks for the pointers and reviews. I was trying to get it up to Violet quickly, so it would begin like in game order, since I have NO IDEA how the show went. This one is really short, and hopefully better, and it's almost Ten thirty, so I'm clocking out for tonight. Peace.
"Okay, let's run through our checklist." Hadrian sat down on the bench in the Pokecenter, worn out from the excitement in the last few hours. He had gotten Nurse Joy to give Celsinge a check up, and during that time got one for himself at a doctor's office. Luckily, neither of them had any broken bones. Now with a full stomach, a new pair of pants, and a feeling of anxious excitement, Hadrian and Celsinge laid down to do their list.
"Pants? Check. Doctors, checked. Lunch...burp! Excuse me, check. Fall off a giant bird. Not again, no thanks." Hadrian laughed as he wrote it on the paper, then promptly crossed it out. Celsinge sat curled up on his lap, his flaming ears keeping Hadrian warm in the cold hospital. One great advantage to fire types. They sat their for a moment or two, before their peace and quiet was broken by a loud mouthed teenager. Hadrian lazily lifted open one eye from underneath his black and silver hat, trying not to fall asleep. The teenager smiled deviously, tossing an ice blue Pokeball from hand to hand. A Machop stood beside him, wearing the same evil grin. Hadrian smiled at the apparent bond between them and nudged Celsinge off of his lap.
"Can I help you?" Hadrian asked, his hand automatically reaching for his belt, although Celsinge was his only Pokemon. The teen and his Machop shot a glance towards each other and nodded.
"Name's Adam. Wanna battle?" Hadrian smiled a bit at the way he went straight to the point and stood up, making his way towards the door. They walked for a time, saying nothing but a few things to get their Pokemon pumped up for battle. Finally, they reached a small clearing in front of a cave and took battle positions. Since there was no referee, this was a knock out to win battle. Celsinge jumped in front of Hadrian, his claws cutting into the soft grass and tearing out tufts of it in anticipation.
"Right. Let's go, Huskii!" Adam threw the Pokeball, revealing a light blue dog with a white stripe playing jumping around and chasing it's own tail.
"No, you stupid mutt! This is a battle!" Adam yelled, throwing a nearby rock at Huskii.
"Hey! You can't treat Pokemon like that!" Hadrian shouted to Adam, dodging the rock that he threw towards him.
"Just battle already! Huskii, use Powder Snow!" Adam commanded, yet another rock bouncing between his hands. Geeze, where does he get these rocks? Hadrian thought as Huskii howled and kicked up a white flurry. Celsinge quickly rolled out of the attacks way, only to get pounced on by Huskii as he repeatedly scratched Celsinge's underside.
"No! Celsinge, use Ember, quick!" Celsinge's mouth glowed for a moment, making Huskii jump backwards. Unfortunately for Adam, Huskii caught sight of a butterfree in the sky and decided to start yapping at it. Celsinge closed his maw, ashes slipping out of his teeth, looked at Hadrian, his face reading Really? I have to fight this?. Hadrian shrugged and cringed as Adam threw a larger rock at Huskii, hitting the poor Pokemon in the eye. Huskii fell over, giving Celsinge the perfect chance to 'accidentally' jump over Huskii and scratch at Adam's pants.
"Get away, you stupid tom cat!" Celsinge dodged the rocks, letting Hadrian and Huskii watch in amazement as Celsinge's movements became faster, his feet scorching the ground wherever he landed. Huskii and Hadrian shared a look and watched in amusement as Machop and Adam tried to pelt Celsinge with rocks. One his Celsinge in the tail, angering the Pokemon. He turned on the thrower, Machop, and bite his leg, leaving a large mark.
"That's bite!" Hadrian exclaimed. Huskii threw him a look that said Oh, really? I thought it was Fly. Hadrian shook his head, recalling that Celsinge doesn't learn bite until level 11.
"That's it. Huskii! Use Bite and Powder Snow!" Adam demanded, throwing a rock in its direction. Hadrian quickly jumped in front of it, taking the hit for the Wolf Cub Pokemon. Celsinge bit Adam's leg, making him drop Huskii's Pokeball from his other hand.
"I don't think anyone like being attacked." Hadrian told Adam, a strange glint in his eyes,"At least, I don't think Huskii likes this. But, hey, what goes around comes around. Let's make it come sooner though. Celsinge...use Ember." Celsinge complied, lighting Adam's pants aflame and giving Machop a burn. Adam ran in a circle, not remembering to stop, drop, and roll, much like every other human in this world.
"Screw this I'm outta here!" Adam yelled as he went streaking through the clearing. Hadrian picked up a rock and threw it, hearing a satisfactory OUCH! from Adam as he ran.
"Watch the language!" Hadrian warned, trying not to laugh. Celsinge and Huskii looked each other over once more, unsure of what to do now. Hadrian walked over to Huskii's Pokeball and kicked it towards Huskii. Huskii looked it over, and let what had happened sink in. His master had left him, the evil, abusive teenager he hated, yet, he still felt sad for some reason. Apparently it was evident on his face, because Celsinge sat next to him, gently breathing fire onto the pokeball until its shell was completely black. Huskii used a Powder Snow, freezing the ball through and through.
"Look's like your free to go. Find your own pack to join. If you go through this cave, you can make your way to Blackthorn, and from their, to the Ice Path. You might be able to find some other Huskiis there." Hadrian told Huskii as the pup nudged the ball into Hadrian's bag as a souvenir. He quickly nodded and ran off with something in his mouth, leaving Hadrian and Celsinge to watch the sunset for a few moments. Just as they were about to fall asleep, Hadrian sat up right.
"Hey! That little puppy took my sandwich!" Celsinge looked at Hadrian with a raised eyebrow, mewed, and went to sleep.

i was expecting him to keep huuskii
oh well
but still great!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by silver

i was expecting him to keep huuskii

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Same.

Great writing!

Your characters certainly have character XD

Sorry, I got grounded for a while...It's a long story, and an even longer grounded period. I'm going to try to type this as fast as I can, so if I suddenly stop, it's because my mom found me on the computer.
"Great. Once again, we're out of food." Hadrian complained, throwing his bag onto the ground in frustrastion. Celsinge sighed, looking over his master with a discrimenating eye. They were walking back into town, hoping to hit a resturaunt before their first gym battle.
"What really sucks is that Huskii didn't even leave us alone." Hadrian turned around and waved to the pup, making him dart into a bush and peer out quietly. Celsinge jumped onto Hadrian, knocking him down just as something shot by them. Hadrian looked around, ready to tell Celsinge to attack. The blur swooped around them twice before finally settling down on top of the bush. The Pidgeotto did not look happy that Huskii was in it's nest.
"Maybe we can get some practice first. Celsinge, use Ember! The small flames shot out of the lion's mouth, but the Pidgeotto batted them away easily with it's wings. Celsinge ran towards it, mouth open as if to use Bite. The Pidgeotto jumped out of the way, flapping it's wings to stay in the air. Celsinge spilled ashes out of his mouth, getting angrier by the second.
"Just use Scratch and drag it down!" Hadrian ordered. Celsinge jumped into the air, his claws raking down Pidgeotto's side. The sudden attack made Pidgeotto lose its delicate balance, making it plummet to the ground. Celsinge used Ember, almost turning the Pidgeotto into Kanto Fried Chicken until the giant bird used Peck. Then, things got out of hand. Celsinge's Ember over shot, lighting the bush Huskii was in on fire. Hadrian ran over to it, trying to pat the flames out, until Huskii plowed over him, freezing the bush and the inside of Hadrian's thigh.
"C-cold! S-so-so cold!" Hadrian groaned. Then, he heard it. The sound of tiny birds cherping for help. He looked towards the bush, where baby Pidgeys were crying out for their mother. He grabbed them quickly, setting them down behind the bush for safety. Pidgeotto turned towards him, forgetting about everything else, and started to Peck him instead. Sorry, guys! I hear my mom coming! I'll edit this later and finish it then!

kanto fried chicken, i'd love to try some of that!;)
it also seems like you've got some serious parent issues

Aww man, dang parents getting in the way of my fanfic reading... Ah well, good luck and keep up the good work!

A suspenseful way to end. Did someone get hurt? What will happen to the characters? Did you get caught?

As I said before, great writing!