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Thread: Cyndadile's Topaz Adventures

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    Default Cyndadile's Topaz Adventures

    Disclaimer: The following does not reflect the actual plot, events, or pokémon encounters of Pokémon Topaz

    Also, for an ideal experience, please use the "Morning" skin for the forum



    What is Topaz Adventures?
    Last edited by Cyndadile; 09-11-12 at 08:24 PM.

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    Part 1: First Steps

    Part 2: Bump in the Night
    Last edited by Cyndadile; 09-11-12 at 08:19 PM.

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    This reads like some of the more awesome TRPG beginning posts I've read. So I'm guessing you've decided that the Pokemon don't shout their names like in the anime?

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    Thanks, I think.
    Yeah, I tried to base the pokemon's sounds more on what I think they'd sound like.
    For example, Venap doesn't look like he'd be able to pronounce "Venap". Something like "aaaaarAH" seems more his style.

    Edit: I'm hoping to update on a regular basis, maybe something like once a week, on Sunday Evenings. Of course, I might not always make the deadline.

    Also, added a little description above "Part One", kinda a "teaser". Here it is:

    What is Topaz Adventure? Why, it’s a story. It’s a story about a romance gone bad, unforeseen consequences, obscure references, and bad chapter titles. It’s a story about success and failure, friends and family, love and hate, Rockets and Orions. Most of all, it’s a story about me, Tony, and my Pokémon, and all the challenges we faced.
    Last edited by Cyndadile; 06-29-12 at 11:58 AM.

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    Part 3: Double Team

    I do take a great deal of inspiration from the anime. For example, only the anime seems to represent Double Team like this.
    I also take inspiration from 80’s hit music, if anyone cares. On a related note, stay tuned for next week’s installment, “Part 4: Right Round, Baby, Right Round”.
    You spin me right round, baby right round, like a record baby, right round round round.
    Last edited by Cyndadile; 08-05-12 at 06:04 PM.

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    Considering your update schedule ideas, it might be possible to dedicate a section of the main site to fics like this and update them as necessary. Seems like a little extra content for people to share in the Topaz world.

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    That might be interesting, if we can get more fics.
    Would you like me to move this to a new thread in Cafe Topaz for now? Separate it from the other stuff?

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    If you want I can split the topics. Hmm, I wonder if I could write something for Topaz... At some point reposting all the World of Topaz stuff would probably be nice too.

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    That would be great (all three, actually).

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    Three pages? These are usually two! That’s 3/2 the story for 2/3 the price! AND, for a limited time, you can get this story ABSOLUTELY FREE! What more could you want?
    Quality writing?
    I hate you, imaginary person who writes in italics.

    Part 4: Right Round, Baby, Right Round

    Where did Henry go? What is he after? Will Tony ever get to a Pokemon gym? And why does Hollowlog smell so bad? At least one of these will be answered in next week's installment, "Part 4: Murky Paths".

    Edit: Part 4 won't fit on my first post Going to need to move on to the second one. Good thing I already claimed the first two posts in this topic.
    Last edited by Cyndadile; 08-05-12 at 06:03 PM.

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    Really enjoying these, your extremely creative Cyn,

    Please, keep 'em comin'
    TRPG profile


    3DS Friend code: 3711-7748-4916
    I has X, Looking for Y stones, will trade for good stuff.

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    Heh, from the way things are seeming to be going, you could easily work this into your TRPG Adventure! If you like, you can request battles that include specific pokemon, and such, within reason, from the moderators! That's a perk of a TRPG over a physical game.
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    Over here is the thread.--> ADVENCHA'!



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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyndadile View Post
    I do take a great deal of inspiration from the anime. For example, only the anime seems to represent Double Team like this.
    I also take inspiration from 80’s hit music, if anyone cares. On a related note, stay tuned for next week’s installment, “Part 4: Right Round, Baby, Right Round”.
    You spin me right round, baby right round, like a record baby, right round round round.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cyndadile View Post
    Three pages? These are usually two! That’s 3/2 the story for 2/3 the price! AND, for a limited time, you can get this story ABSOLUTELY FREE! What more could you want?
    Quality writing?
    I hate you, imaginary person who writes in italics.
    Just wondering, does anyone know of something to call these random intro/conclusion comments with tangential relevance to the story? Because "random intro/conclusion comments with tangential relevance to the story" seems a bit wordy. I need something to call them in a self-referencing random intro/conclusion comment with tangential relevance to the story.
    I could always abbreviate to RICCwTRttS, but I'm not comfortable being around that many capital letters.

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    AUTHOR'S NOTE usually works.

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    But "AUTHOR'S NOTE" has even more consecutive capital letters! D:
    Author's note: I lied last week when I told you that this week's installment would be "Part 4: Murky Paths." The real title is...

    Part 5: Murky Paths

    Why hello there, Orion Defenders!
    Last edited by Cyndadile; 07-16-12 at 01:13 PM.

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    One description that's bugging me a little is "average height." I feel that it doesn't really give a very good description of the character. A lot of people have different ideas about what average height is, and you can go more interesting ways with a character whose height doesn't command a lot of attention.

    Geez, I’ve got a girlfriend, remember? I was looking at her NECKLACE. Seriously, what kind of person do you think I am? The gemstone seemed to be glowing faintly. Maybe she channeled her powers through it somehow.
    This also sticks out to me, since I feel almost as if I'm being yelled at for reading the fic. It might also be a little confusing moment for those who didn't initially think that way. Yeah, I'm in a little bit of a "customer service" phase right now, so I've been thinking a lot about how people could react and what makes them want to participate, whether by reading, watching etc. so that's my strange critique for you.

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    <3
    What? Who put that heart there? That's not weird at all.
    Thank you for pointing those things out to me. I was considering not including that section, but for now I just edited it to (hopefully) clarify and make it seem less hostile.

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    Part 6: Fernando

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    This is a slightly shorter one. I guess I’m making up for that 3-page episode a while back.

    Part 7: So We Meet Again

    /storycraft

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    I can't storycraft on GLaDOS (My new computer, "Great Laptop although Deprived Of Sentience")...
    Unless I use Notepad or Google Docs. But I have way too many grammar and spelling mistakes to use either. That leaves using Microsoft Word on my home computer until I go to la Universidad, where I'll finally get word back.

    Part 8: Take Two

    Fun fact: The paragraph in this story with the most characters (as in letters, numbers, and symbols, not characters like Tony and Fernando) is the paragraph where I describe Jackalant's transformation.
    Well, I thought it was a "fun" fact, anyways.

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    Contest:
    Shortly after last week's installment, I made a three(ish) small changes to three different stories. I mean, the Eragon guy did it (at least, I somewhat remember him having to change something in one of his books), why can't I? It's not like I have a reputation to uphold.
    One of the changes was in "First Steps", where I replaced Torri with Melanie in the list of Elite Four members. The other changes were in "Double Team" and "Right Round, Baby, Right Round"
    Anyways, the challenge is this: find the change in "Double Team" and "Right Round, Baby, Right Round". Reward: 3 internetz. Or I'll write a story. Or I'll promise not to make another picture like the Koffing cherry bomb picture. Your choice.
    Hints:
    The two changes are actually just the same change, in two different places.
    The change is related to a Caldera/Kirant PLACE or PERSON, and it is a PROPER NOUN.

    Also, GLaDOS got Microsoft Word. And Part 9 will be here tomorrow.

    Edit:
    New Hint: Chartree Forest
    Last edited by Cyndadile; 08-12-12 at 01:04 PM.

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    Added a new hint to my previous post.

    I’m sure you’ll find this installment is eggs-ellent. I can’t begin to eggs-plain how hard it was to find the eggs-act right eggs pun before I went with this eggs-ellent title. And… something about “eggs” backwards that you won’t understand unless you live somewhere near me! Haha!
    The sane part of me wants you to know that I wrote this about a month ago. This egg-filled author’s note in no way represents my current state of mind. I assure you, I’m perfectly sane. Kind of. Maybe.

    Part 9: Egg Toss

    Note: I was originally going to do just one egg, a Togepi egg (I wanted Tony to have a Togetic), but the concept would seem like it was directly stolen from the anime. I think this egg has much more potential.
    Also, bear with me in the next section. Big stuff happens, but not like major-climax stuff. I'm having trouble with it. I know what's going to happen, but I don't really know how to pull it off. So in next week's installment "Part 10: Nowhere to Run", my policy of "Critisism and Suggestions Always Welcome" is especially encouraged. This is the section that I have real problems with. This story was kind of iffy, too.

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    Six or seven hours later than usual... I almost forgot about the whole Sunday Release thing.
    I typed this story on my old computer, then rewrote it on GLaDOS. About halfway through the rewrite, I realized that I was trying to cram too much into one story, so I split it up into two and a half stories and delayed a major plot element until later. Now I need to find a way to fit in that plot element and get Tony back to Abaddon Swamp in time for Part 20.
    All in all, I think this episode turned out pretty well. If anyone has advice, particularly when it comes to action scenes (it's hard to write battles for several Pokemon and people at the same time), it would be really appreciated. Also, if there's anything about the stories you particularly like or dislike, it's really important for me to know that too. (Cyn, I really like the way you nicknamed the giant Rocket dude.||What kind of lame description is "giant gun"?)

    Part 10: Nowhere to Run

    How Onix-pected!

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    I absolutely hate this one.

    Part 11: Job Offers

    /dedication

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    I think the main issue with this segment would be that there's no driving action through the chapter. It's mostly exposition in the form of dialogue.

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    I know. This one and the next are less action and more transitioning, a bit of explaining. And that's what I hate about it. It's boring to write and boring to read. I know that novels can't be all action, and this is, in a way, just a novel released a chapter at a time. But I'd still like to get all the explanations done in a fast, not-so-boring way that ties into the dramatic, action-y bits.
    I've taken a creative writing class in High School, but we only got as far as short stories. In a short story, there are no pauses to explain what's going on. Its all a buildup to a climax, then it's over. When it comes to longer stories, like Topaz Adventure, I just don't know how to handle the evil middle bits. I've gotten some advice by reading the blog of my favorite author, but there are some times that I just can't figure out what to do. I think it's more of a "you have to find the answer yourself" kind of thing, but I could still use some help with it. It seems like this part of the story doesn't lend itself well to the whole "protagonist figures things out through observing things as he goes" part, since he really needs to find out...

    Also, he needs to
    before episode 20.

    And I'm terrible with dialogue. Anything longer than a sentence or so begins to sound forced and unnatural.

    Stuff like this is why I want to find a good Creative Writing course at my College.

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    This is only somewhat related to Topaz Adventures, but I figured this was the best place to ramble on about this. The first part is more related to college, and is more or less a "why I'm going to do what I'm about to do with this series" kind of thing. Then comes the "what's going to happen" part, which you can skip to if you'd like.

    I started college last week, and it was a huge difference from High School. It seems like I have more work to do, and I plan to spend more time studying. On the bright side, the work is a lot funner than High School work, although there are always distractions that will be funner. Between schoolwork, projects, sleeping, the clubs I intend to get involved in, Topaz work, and a Minecraft server that I somehow ended up running PR for, I won't have nearly as much time as I used to. I don't know if this will change as the year progresses, but it probably will; there were a lot of things going on for freshmen during the first week that ate up my time. I think I'll have some time on the weekends, but I also still need to spend time with friends every once in a while. However much I hate it, my writing will probably be be a lower priority for a while. In particular, Topaz Adventures and a novel I wanted to write during my first year of college may not progress on the path I'd planned for them.
    That doesn't mean I'm giving up on writing (sorry for getting your hopes up). I still love it, even though creativity often eludes me. I just may not be able to do as much of it as I'd hoped.

    So, this is basically what is going to happen regarding Topaz Adventures:
    -I might post them late. I don't want to do this often, because it means that I'll need to write faster to catch up. There is (almost) no way I'll miss a week entirely; it would mess up my story's structure. That would make me angry, and I'd start printing copies of the stories so I could tear them up in frustration. That's just wasteful.
    -TA might have some quality issues. I might not have time to sit around editing them, so things could get a bit disgusting, especially in parts like 11 and 12 (I promise I'll try to improve them eventually). If there's anything that seems completely vile, or even just anything you think could use improvement, email me about it at jirachi.topaz@gmail.com. I won't get around to editing right away, but I think I'll have some time for it over Thanksgiving and Winter Breaks. I'll also try to stock up on future episodes at those times.
    -EVERY installment of TA is a work in progress. I've said it about a billion times; I'd love any suggestions for improvements. Let me know what you think about my writing technique, character development, whatever. Post comments here, PM me, or send them to my email listed above. I can't improve my writing without knowing what's wrong. And if you don't think anything's wrong, or want to mention something that you think was good, tell me that, too! I need to know these things.
    -I'm sure there was another thing, but I can't think of it right now.

    Anyways, stay tuned for the 12th episode, which is even drier than the last one. Which is funny, because I wrote the first half while doing my laundry. See? Because laundry goes into a dryer... No one appreciates my sharp wit.
    I promise Episode 13 will bring some action back to the series.

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    Well, good luck with all your college work!

    Looks like you have the same kind of idea as when I wrote my Nanowrimo, just get the words out there. It's probably best idea since it keeps you more motivated than mulling over what you don't like.

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    Silly rabbit, almost forgetting to post Topaz Adventures is for kids!

    Part 12: Deciding Factor

    Just wondering, in the phrase: “Matthew went on to explain the story of the Orions. According to the Ranger, the Orion Defenders were established centuries ago to protect Pokémon from being exploited,” would anyone have noticed the (unintentional) biblical connection if I had said “according to Matthew” instead of “according to the Ranger”?

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    Wow, another 3 page one. And I wrote the entire thing on Monday. Skillz.
    Also, no matter how hard I googled, I could not find anywhere that would tell me if marble was bulletproof. So just assume that it was thick enough to block the bullets.

    Part 13: That'll Leave a Mark

    Stay tuned for next week’s awkward episode, “Part 14: Well, This is Awkward.”

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    A couple announcements:
    Topaz Adventures got artsy:

    This is what happens when you give me photoshop. I make things.
    Also, Topaz Adventure got officially renamed Topaz Adventures, because I've been calling it that for a while and only just realized that the thread didn't have the S. It was easier to rename the thread than change the image, so I did that.
    You may have noticed (but probably not) that I've removed the list of links to each of the TA episodes from the first post.
    "Oh no!" you might say. "How can I possibly enjoy life if I can't easily access every TA episode from one convenient location?" Well worry not, my friends, for you won't have to wait long! On December 2nd, Topaz Adventure's first season will draw to a close. I'll compile all the episodes and upload them as a nice little PDF. Right now, I'm torn between taking a break after the season is over or just continuing along with an episode a week. If I decide to take a break from the series, it'll be a short one, and it will be because I'm working on a larger writing project (one that I should probably start right about now, actually).

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    Part 14: Well, This Is Awkward

    And thus ends my first attempt at incorporating romance into a story without having any romantic experience. Please let me know how I did. Like Parts 11 and 12, I'm not especially impressed with this one. And it took me way too long to write.

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    Heyo! It’s a pun!

    Part 15: Friendly Rivalry

    Meh. Next one should be better.

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    Part 16: Coming Apart

    What good is the internet if I can’t do important research? In the course of making this story, I needed to find the answer to the questions in the spoiler below, but none of my search results gave what I wanted in sufficient detail.

    Writing is HARD. Stupid research.

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    For the pinky I think it depends on how broken the pinky is. If it's clean broken you don't feel it at all, so only when you rub against the break will it hurt.

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    That's a good point. I never really went into detail about how it got broken, either. Maybe Meredith stomped on it. Then it might be messed up enough to hurt.
    Either way, it has been written. People will have to suspend disbelief. Hollywood has done crazier stuff.

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    Just a bit of training. Nothing spectacular. Although I do have something quite spectacular (I think) planned, several episodes down the line.

    Part 17: No Train, No Gain

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    I'm losing it.

    Part 18: Power Up

    Losing it.

  39. #39
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    Did you really have to go through the whole list of "a cow-like Pokemon called Miltank," "a _____ Pokemon called _____" etc? It seems unnecessarily explanatory. If you were trying to reach a non Pokemon-aware audience, I think you could have made a bigger scene of the Pokemon introductions, having the showdown between your Pokemon involve some sizing up and showing off allowing for a more natural place to put the description.

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    I suppose that part was somewhat unnecessary; only pokemon people would read a pokemon story. But could you elaborate a bit on what you mean by this:
    Quote Originally Posted by ImmunityBow View Post
    I think you could have made a bigger scene of the Pokemon introductions, having the showdown between your Pokemon involve some sizing up and showing off allowing for a more natural place to put the description.
    I know that I at least want to put in a brief description of the Topaz pokemon, since many people won't be able to recognize them by name. I'm afraid I didn't do a great job describing Firrel, since I have no idea what he's supposed to be.

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