One description that's bugging me a little is "average height." I feel that it doesn't really give a very good description of the character. A lot of people have different ideas about what average height is, and you can go more interesting ways with a character whose height doesn't command a lot of attention.

Geez, I’ve got a girlfriend, remember? I was looking at her NECKLACE. Seriously, what kind of person do you think I am? The gemstone seemed to be glowing faintly. Maybe she channeled her powers through it somehow.
This also sticks out to me, since I feel almost as if I'm being yelled at for reading the fic. It might also be a little confusing moment for those who didn't initially think that way. Yeah, I'm in a little bit of a "customer service" phase right now, so I've been thinking a lot about how people could react and what makes them want to participate, whether by reading, watching etc. so that's my strange critique for you.