"We nicknamed her Bean"
Status:
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 991
I think you've successfully nailed down the theme of the play and it comes through rather well. The stage direction is effective, but gives room for direction, which is good in some cases but more difficult than others. As it stands there is a lot of stillness. Actors come on, but once they have arrived they essentially stand in a single position, all one one level. This is not really dynamic and leaves the dialogue as the only real way to portray the vision. Though I wouldn't support nailing out each movement, you might want to put in a few. What does Person do when he is telling the story, for example?
I think the pacing is a little off as well. IMO, Mr. Gant enters a little late and the tension established between him and Mr. Starr is far more interesting than Person trying to figure things out. The dialogue is usually fine, but there are a few lines that seem especially unnatural. This play isn't so based firmly in reality, so the tone and language used doesn't bother me. There were a couple instances of a character explicitly saying what the situation was, kind of like "This is a play, and this is what it is about." Seen here:
PERSON
Both of you want something from me.
PERSON
I don't need to rely on you both to find out who I am.
This second one is kind of writing the point of the play out for your audience. Avoid doing it so plainly, since it's pretty clear based on everything else.
For a short play I think it is pretty good, and you've picked something with an appropriate scope for it.